In Which Levi Almost Dies, and Eren Wants To Break His Own Rule
by HeyAssButtImBatman
Summary: Eren Jaeger has a rule about dating: don't do it. But after saving a certain rude, grey-eyed smartass from death by intersection, he may just have to rethink it.


Eren Jaeger was known for many things. He was known for having a fiery temper and the guts to back it up; for being a total shit and having the emotional range of an angry teaspoon; he was known for laughing at the wrong time, getting caught in awkward situations, and accidentally insulting people.

He was also known for not being the brightest bulb in the box.

It was because of that last reason that Mikasa and Armin had sent him off to get food while they talked about 'adult things', as Eren's sister had put it. He honestly had no idea what they were talking about but he was pretty sure it had something to do with a certain blonde spitfire Armin had been hanging out with lately.

Having never felt romantic attraction to anyone in his life, ever, Eren couldn't relate. I mean, he could appreciate a good looking person and he definitely loved sex, but he'd never wanted to get into a relationship - he even had a rule about dating: nothing more than casual sex - and so he was actually kind of glad that he didn't have to be around while Armin recited poems about his undying love for Annie, or whatever the hell he was doing now.

Eren didn't know. He was getting food.

He had decided on a small, locally owned sandwich shop that only he liked, because he knew his sister and his best friend well and he knew that they weren't even hungry. If they were, they would have specified on what type of food to get. They both knew better than to give Eren such vague instructions and then leave him to his own devices.

So it was with a slightly miffed air that Eren allowed himself to be kicked out of his apartment. His motorcycle, a badass blue and black Harley Davidson, sat waiting for him in the parking garage, and he smiled as he mounted it, pulling on his black helmet.

He twisted the throttle, indulging himself in the threatening snarl it made, before tilting the handlebars and shooting out of the gates. He pulled into the late afternoon California traffic easily, weaving between lanes and happily flipping off the annoyed drivers who honked at him.

Despite the fact that the shop was only a few blocks away, it took Eren a lot longer than normal to get there, most definitely caused by his detour. Eren might not have been the most observant person in the world, but even he could pick up on the fact that Armin and Mikasa were having a Very Important and Private Conversation and needed some alone time.

So, Eren decided on the scenic route, a long road that ran parallel to the beach. The wind felt good on his bare arms, and the hot sun kept him from getting too cold. He leaned forward when he hit a stretch of unoccupied road and sped up, revelling in the way the metal thrummed under his fingers and the scenery blurred as he sped by.

It was moments like this that made him eternally glad that he had decided on a motorcycle instead of a car, like his parents and sister had wanted him to get.

The upcoming traffic light turned yellow and Eren obediently slowed down, coming to a stop at a busy fourway intersection. He sat back on his bike and resisted the urge to pull off his helmet and shake out his sweaty hair; the last time he had done that, a bird had flown overhead and had decided that Eren's mop of unruly brown hair would make the perfect place to take a shit.

He sighed to himself at how long the light was and started taping his gloved thumb against the handlebar. He decided to people watch, a habit he had picked up after seeing a woman with bright green hair and dressed in nothing but a skimpy bikini feed her dog chocolate ice cream straight from her mouth while waiting in line at a movie theatre.

Huntington Beach had the strangest people, and he loved it.

His head swiveled from left to right as he sought out someone interesting enough to tell Armin about later. To his disappointment, the only people waiting on the light were overworked business types stuck in rush hour traffic, or regular people out for a bike ride on a beautiful day. There was no one that Eren would - wait, what was that dude doing?

Eren squinted and leaned forward to help him see better. For a moment, it looked as if… yup, he was. There was a kid skateboarding down the sidewalk, holding onto a leash connected to a ginormous Saint Bernard with one hand. The other was clenched tightly around a fishing pole, from which dangled what looked suspiciously like a chicken leg.

The boy was using the chicken to lure the dog on, letting it pull him along, changing direction by moving the meat. Eren cracked a smile at that; he had always wanted to try something like that, but he had never learned how to skateboard despite having grown up in Huntington Beach, and he was pretty sure that it wouldn't work with a bike.

Well, the boy didn't look crazy like what Eren normally looked for - although he was wearing a huge hoodie and jeans even though it was like, seventy five degrees out, so that had to count for something - but he was the most interesting thing Eren had seen on his little joyride, so he catalogued the scene in the back of his mind and resolved to tell his best friend about it later.

Eren looked up at the traffic light. The one facing him was still red, but the ones on either side of him had turned yellow, a sure sign that the light was going to turn green any second. He gripped the throttle a little tighter in preparation, but a panicked shout had him turning his head sharply to the left.

He watched in horror as the Saint Bernard suddenly broke out in a sprint, leash snapping as he turned a corner sharply in pursuit of a stray cat. The kid on the skateboard flailed his arms wildly to keep his balance and managed to stay upright, but he was going too fast to stop, and he was heading straight towards…

… the middle of the intersection, where the light had just turned green and cars were already starting to move forward.

Without even thinking about it, Eren hit the throttle hard and zoomed forward. He adjusted his aim slightly and held out a hand. No one was as surprised as he was when, instead of dying tragically in a fit of impulsiveness and stupidity, his arm closed around a slightly skinnier one and he swung the kid up onto the back of his bike, planting one foot, hitting the brake and turning the handlebars all at once, just in time to avoid a head on collision with a long line of cars.

He felt arms wrap themselves around his waist and a trembling body pressed itself against his. Through the thin shirt he was wearing, he could feel more than hear panting breaths coming from his unexpected passenger.

The honking of a horn made him snap his head up, and he realized that almost all of the cars had stopped, the people inside of them staring and taking photos on their phones. Eren, uncomfortable with all of the attention and knowing that Mikasa would kill him if she ever found about his little stunt, quickly turned his bike and sped off.

He spotted the kid's dog a few blocks away, barking forlornly at a small black cat sitting on a fence post. He whistled at it, and the floppy ears perked in his direction.

"Come on, boy!" he called, pleased and a little surprised when the dog followed them, though he figured that it had more to do with the person currently pressed up against his back than obedience.

They made it to the sandwich shop without incident, and the first thing Eren did when he parked was turn around in his seat and check to make sure that the kid was okay.

Eren blinked. Not a kid.

The person behind him was small - tiny, even - and looked incredibly young, but he was definitely not a kid. He was, however, incredibly attractive. A small, pouty mouth sat beneath a straight button nose. Straight, jet black bangs fell over his eyes, which for the moment were squeezed shut. His trembling still hadn't stopped.

The dog came over and nosed at his thigh, giving a small woof. At this, the boy - man? - person let out a long sigh and snapped his eyes open. They were a fierce, stormy grey and they locked onto Eren's own green ones before sliding down to the dog.

"Fuck you," was the first thing that came out of his mouth, and judging by that voice, he was most certainly _not_ a kid. Good Lord, man, Eren almost came in his pants just listening to those two little words.

Seemingly with some effort, he unclenched his hands from where they were fisted in Eren's shirt and gingerly slipped off the bike. Eren had to stifle a giggle when he saw how small the man really was. His feet dangled off the bike for a moment before he slipped down, and the dog came all the way up to his shoulder.

"Asshole," the man snapped, and it took Eren a moment for him to realize that he was still talking to the dog. "You could have killed me! See if you get any fucking burgers now, you fucktard."

At this, Eren couldn't suppress a snort and the man snapped his eyes up to Eren's.

"How tall are you?" Eren blurted out, regretting it instantly when the man's eyes narrowed.

"How rude are you?" he snapped back, and Eren's temper began to flare up.

"Obviously not as rude as _you_ are," he retorted. "I just saved your life, and the least you could do is show some gratitude."

Gray eyes blinked at him in surprise before narrowing in agreement.

"You're right," he said. He lifted both hands - tiny, Eren's mind informed him - and flipped him a double bird as he walked away backwards. "Thanks for saving my life and insulting something I can't control, brat."

He spun around and whistled, and the dog loped after him as he walked down the sidewalk.

 _Did he just call me a brat?_ Eren thought, and even though he had been thoroughly insulted by someone whom he had just met, he found himself also becoming very intrigued. He turned his motorcycle off and hopped off his bike, making full use of the fact that the man had tiny legs as he ran after him.

"Wait!" he called. Panting slightly, he reached one arm out and grabbed the man's shoulder, spinning him around so that they were facing each other. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything about your height, I didn't know you were sensitive about it."

"I'm not," the man said, face expressionless. "I just really want to get home and I wanted the conversation to end."

Eren blinked at the man's bluntness. He opened his mouth to say something, probably something stupid, knowing himself like he did, but he stopped when he noticed how hard the man was shaking when he lifted a hand to pet the Saint Bernard's head.

"Are you okay?" he asked instead. "You didn't get hurt when I pulled you onto my bike, did you?"

The man widened his eyes in surprise and he shook his head, but the movement looked jerky.

Peering closer at him, Eren noticed that his whole body was shaking slightly, as if wracked with shivers, though it was hidden mostly by the huge hoodie he had on. His skin was also very pale and his pupils looked huge where they sat in his grey irises.

"I am so sorry," he said. "I swear I am the most dense person on the planet. Should I take you to the hospital? Are you going into shock? I'm not a doctor, but my friend is in med school, so I know what to do if someone's going into shock. Sort of. I know warm drinks with sugar help."

He twisted around and looked behind him at the sandwich shop. He had never gotten anything of the sort himself, but he was sure they had coffee and tea and stuff. Without waiting for an answer to his rambling, he grabbed the man's hand and started dragging him to the shop.

"Hey!" he shouted, pulling against Eren and dragging his feet. It didn't make a difference, though. Eren was just too strong, and the man was just too light, and in only a few seconds they were inside the building and Eren pushed them both into a booth.

"Coffee or tea?" he asked. The man - okay, this was getting ridiculous, Eren was just going to call him Pancake from now on. Because he was a short stack. Get it? - Pancake blinked at him in confusion. He looked out of the window, to where the dog sat outside on the sidewalk, happily drooling on a row of rose bushes, and then back to Eren.

"Tea," he said finally, and Eren smiled.

"I'll be right back," Eren promised. He slid out of the booth and over to the counter, where a young barista was idly tapping her nails against the counter. She brightened when she saw Eren.

"What can I get you?" she asked cheerily.

"Tea," he said immediately. "In the biggest size you have. And put lots of sugar in it, too. Also, a Coke."

The girl chuckled a little, and Eren found himself smiling as well as she counted out his change. He went back to the booth where Pancake was sitting, watching him with a calculating look on his face.

"What?" Eren asked. "Do I have something on my face?"

Pancake snorted. "No, you shitty brat."

Eren grinned, startling both himself and his companion. "I've been meaning to ask you; why do you call me brat? How old are you, exactly?"

Pancake flipped up his hood and leaned his head on his forearms, which he crossed on the table.

"I'm twenty-six," he said.

"Really?" Eren asked incredulously. "And you're calling me a brat? I'm only three years younger than you."

"Shut up," Pancake said. "You look like you're twelve."

Eren rolled his eyes. "Right, because so many twelve-year-olds are riding around on motorcycles."

Pancake stuck out his tongue and Eren laughed, pleased when Pancake cracked a smile, too. They lapsed into comfortable silence, in which Pancake turned and started making faces at the dog through the glass of the window and Eren studied the man across from him.

He was strange, Eren decided, but then again, so was he. It probably wasn't the best idea for someone with as volatile a temper as Eren to hang around someone as insulting and sarcastic as Pancake, but for some reason Eren found himself actually liking the scathing comments instead of being offended by them. It seemed to him that it was just how Pancake treated everyone, and he wasn't specifically trying to hurt Eren.

Pancake glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

"What?" he snapped. Eren just shook his head, smiling. His smile widened when Pancake immediately grabbed his mug of tea and took a sip when the barista brought over their drinks. He sighed a little in happiness and didn't take his hands off of the mug.

"So," Eren started. "What's your name?"

Pancake raised a single brow. "Why do you need to know?"

"Because I've been calling you Pancake in my head," Eren admitted.

"Why have you been calling me Pancake? he asked, eyes narrowed.

Eren took a sip of his Coke in response. When it became clear that he wasn't going to answer, Pancake huffed and leaned back.

"Levi," he said after a moment.

"Huh?"

"Is your head really that hollow or are you trying to fuck with me? My name is Levi, dipshit."

"Oh." Eren blinked. "My name is Eren."

"I didn't ask," Levi retorted, but Eren could see him mouth his name into his mug once, as if testing it out. Eren smiled.

"Feeling better?" he asked. Levi shrugged, careful not to spill any of his tea.

"'Better' is a pretty vague term," he said, "but yeah, a little bit."

Eren smiled. "Good."

A few more moments passed in which they both studied each other through sidelong glances, neither of them being as subtle as they though they were. Slightly uncomfortable with the quiet - Armin theorized that he had sedatephobia, a fear of silence - Eren cleared his throat.

"I know I don't know you that well," he began, and Levi raised an eyebrow at him, "but you don't seem like the kind of guy to skateboard down the street being pulled by a dog."

Levi made a small "Tsk" noise. "I'm not," he said. "But Female needed a walk, I didn't want to take her for a walk, so we compromised."

"You named your dog female?" he asked incredulously. "Why?"

"Because she's a female, stupid brat," Levi said. "What would you have named her?"

Eren thought about it. He had never owned a dog, and all of the people he knew who had dogs gave them ordinary names like Spot and Max, but his mind immediately picked one out and held on tight.

"Valentine," he said eventually. At Levi's confused look, he explained, saying, "Because she's a _Saint_ Bernard, and Valentine was a saint, you know, like Saint Valentine's Day."

Levi gave him a look, which Eren interpreted into _That was the weirdest shit I have ever heard in my life, but I like it._

"Your brain works weird," he informed Eren, who laughed.

"I like you, Levi," he said, then froze, hoping Levi wouldn't think he was weird.

"I tolerate you more than I can most people," Levi replied without missing a beat. Eren huffed out a relieved breath, which drew a confused glance from Levi, but he just shook his head, smiling. Levi frowned, opening his mouth to say something, but a loud howl from outside had them both snapping their heads to the window.

Levi sighed when they saw Female sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, howling miserably and giving them a baleful.

"I guess that's my cue," Levi said. He drained his mug and then set it down on the table. He stood up and started heading towards the door. "It's been real, brat."

Eren chuckled to himself and took a large gulp of his soda, but he frowned when he watched Levi start walking down the sidewalk, patting his leg for Female to follow. Right, he had skateboarded down here in the first place.

Well, Eren may not be the best at thinking things through, but even he knew that it was a bad idea to let Levi walk home alone. The poor dude might still be in shock; what if he fainted on the way back?

Mind made up, Eren slid out of the booth, giving a small smile to the barista as he walked past her and out of the door. He hopped onto his bike, pulled on his helmet and pulled out of the parking lot. He came to a stop right next to Levi, who was giving him an unimpressed look.

"Can I help you?" he asked sarcastically.

"No," Eren replied, "but maybe I can help you. Need a ride?"

Levi raised a thin brow. "Seriously?" When Eren did nothing but stare at him through his visor, he "Tsk"d again and walked over. Eren scooted up so that he'd have room.

"Where am I going?" he asked.

"Head down Goldenwest and make a right on Edinger," Levi said. "The apartment complex is on the left."

"You live at Boardwalk?" Eren asked, surprised. Apparently, Levi picked up on the slight questioning tone, because he raised an eyebrow. "Right. Sorry, I'm going."

Eren hit the throttle and pulled away from the curb with a jerk, and he just barely heard Levi call for Female to follow them. _That is one well-trained dog,_ Eren thought, watching in his side-view mirror as she loped after them, tongue out and tail wagging.

It took them a good fifteen minutes to get to Boardwalk. Fifteen minutes of Levi tightening his grip every time Eren changed lanes too quickly or turned too sharply, fifteen minutes of Eren shivering for reasons that had nothing to do with the wind and everything to do with the smaller body pressed up against his back and the arms wrapped around his waist.

For the first time in his life, Eren was thinking about breaking his No Relationships Rule.

There was a woman waiting for them in the parking garage when they finally reached their destination, and Levi groaned and dropped his head onto Eren's shoulder.

"Fucking Hange," he muttered, and Eren was confused. At least, he was until the woman - Hange, he assumed - opened her mouth.

"Oh, my God, Levi!" she screamed. She ran towards them, reaching them just as Levi's feet hit the ground and throwing her arms around the shorter man.

"Hange, I swear to God," Levi said threateningly, but Eren noticed that he burrowed deeper into her arms before pulling away.

"Levi, you almost died!" Hange said. "It's all over the internet! Someone already posted a video on YouTube and it has forty five thousand likes already!"

Levi stiffened. "How?" he asked disbelievingly. "It only happened like, an hour ago."

"I don't know, but isn't this amazing?" Hange's gaze slid to Eren for the first time and she squealed. "Oh, my God, you're the person who saved Levi!"

"Um, yeah," Eren said. He swung his leg over the bike and set his helmet down on the seat. "I'm Eren."

"Hange," she introduced herself. "I'm Levi's roommate."

Eren's mood deflated slightly, but then he perked up when he noticed that Hange had said roommate and not girlfriend. Female barked then, and everyone's attention slid down to her.

"Hi, Female!" Hange said. She reached down and wrapped her arms around the dog's great neck. "I saw the video, you know. Don't think I don't know that it was your fault, even if this is the most amazing thing that's happened to me all week."

Levi sighed the sigh of a man doomed to be surrounded by idiots for the rest of his life, and Eren sympathised. He'd heard that sigh many times before; it was Mikasa's favorite sigh to use when trying to explain something to him.

"Well, I'm going to go," Eren said awkwardly, "if you're sure you're okay, Levi."

"I'm fine," Levi replied, ignoring Hange's loud "Aww!". "And, Eren? Thanks. For everything, I guess."

Eren smiled. "No prob, Bob." Levi groaned.

"Seriously?" he cried. "Are you being serious right now? Oh, my God, you shithead. Come on, Female, let's leave these two fucks to mingle."

Hange laughed as Levi and Female walked towards an elevator, and Eren found himself joining in.

"You know, I'm really surprised that he took to you so quickly," Hange said, turning to him. "It took him weeks to get comfortable enough around me to act like himself."

Eren furrowed his brow. "What… does that mean, exactly?"

Hange laughed again, shaking her head and making her ponytail swing back and forth. "It means, silly, that for whatever reason, you're special." Her gaze turned thoughtful. "Actually, this could work well for me."

"Huh?" Wow, Eren, how articulate. Luckily, Hange seemed to preoccupied to notice.

"I'm a scientist, you see," she told him. "And I just love doing experiments. Levi just happens to be my most fascinating test subject. I normally just record his reactions to different stimuli to figure thing out about him, but I want to try a different experiment. I want to know what's so special about you that caused Levi to drop his guard so fast. So, how about it?"

"How about what?" Eren asked, and Hange snorted.

"Will you help a desperate scientist out?"

"Oh, sure," Eren agreed. Anything to see Levi again. "Anything for a scientist."

"Great!" Hange pulled a Sharpie from her pocket and gave it to him, and presented him with her hand. "Write down your number and I'll call you when I have the first experiment set up. Thanks, Eren. Bye!"

With that, Hange skipped off, humming happily to herself and leaving one very confused, but happy, Eren behind. Smiling to himself, he got back on his bike and shot one last look at the closing elevator doors before speeding off.

He was definitely breaking the Rule.

 **Hey, Lovelies! Just to let you know, I am not dead. Obviously. If you've checked out my profile, you know that I'm working on a SPN Tangled AU, and I just wanted to let you know that I'm still working on it, and it should be done soon.**

 **I'm also thinking about writing a sequel for this story, maybe making a series out of this. What do you guys think?**


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